CONVERSATIONS: TÉA AND WENDYTéa plops down on a chair at the bar at Club Indigo. It is late afternoon and the place is empty.

W: What will it be, my dear?

T: How about a scotch and soda? No, just scotch on the rocks. Correction, make that straight up. A double. And start a tab. I might need it.

W: My, my! Sound like you've selected oblivion as your evening's destination!

T: More like a means of procrastination.

W: Hmmm, it strikes me like man trouble. I can spot it a mile away. As a matter of fact, I seem to recall seeing you here with two lovely specimens just the other night. Having trouble choosing between them?

T: I'm afraid I'm not exactly in the decision making position. I've been left in the awkward situation of asking a man that I should definitely not care about, but somehow ended up in love with, what his feelings are towards me.

W: Ah! I know that conundrum myself! It can definitely lead to some

T: Sheer terror is more how I'd describe it.

W: So which of those
delectable morsels has the bulls eye on his back? The true upstanding and recently divorced Andrew Carpenter or that incredibly hot piece of rough trade with those lovely long locks and the piercing stare. And if the good Reverend is your choice, do introduce me to the sullen one. I just adore a well placed scar and I think he'd be delightful all tied up and dressed in leather.

T: Um, that piece of rough trade is my husband.

W: Oh, sorry! Or should I say, ummmm, lucky you! But are you telling me HE's the one you're discarding? I mean if you plan on leaving him for the divine radiance of God, please make sure and send him in MY direction. I'd be delighted to dish up a nasty consolation prize.

T: Excuse me, what's your name?

W: Wendy. Wendy Mercury.

T: Hi Wendy. My name is Téa Manning, and I have no interest in
Reverend Carpenter other than friendship. Set your sights on my husband and I'll rip your false eyelashes off. And that's just for starters. Understood?

W: Ouch! Windex couldn't make it any clearer! I wouldn't want to tread on your turf, sweetheart. Just wanted to know if there was a vacancy. Manning? Manning? Any relation to the publisher of the Sun?

T: Mr. Rough Trade IS the publisher of the Sun.

W: Oh my word, Ms. Téa. All that sexiness and a ton of money! How did you hook up with that one?

T: We had sort of an arranged marriage.

W: Well whoever made those arrangements, please send them my business card! What I don't understand is what you're doing here as if the sky had fallen, down in the dumps, and drinking scotches? If that was MY man I'd be at home involved with much more useful activities. And might I add, devoid of any
extraneous wearing apparel.

T: We have an unusual marriage.

W: Judging by the way I've seen you spending time with the good
Reverend, is it safe to say that your marriage is open?

T: It's so open that it may soon be flying out the window. Can I have another double?

W: Certainly. Is there another woman? Or man? Several of either or a combination of both?

T: Not exactly. I mean he does seem to still be more interested in his ex-wife than I'd like him to be. You recall, the woman who got the drink splashed on her dress the other night?

W: My, my! That little bitch! She does get around, doesn't she? Well, she did look like she's be trouble for anyone's man. No question about that! I can certainly understand your concern.

T: And then there's the bird.

W: The bird? I'm afraid that's getting a little too kinky even for me! Um, what exactly does the bird do?

T: Whatever he damn well pleases! It's not just that. I'm not even sure if my husband likes me, let alone loves me, or even wants me!

W: Then, why in heaven's name did he marry you! If you don't mind me asking.

T: I get along well with his daughter, and I'm a good lawyer.

W: I suppose a good lawyer IS hard to find.

T: Andrew told me that I should just go and ask Todd what his feelings were towards me. But my husband's a very secretive person so its an uphill battle. One I'm not so sure I'm ready to face. And I'm afraid if I let him know I care he'll just run away like a scared rabbit.

W: Now, now, we don't want to scare the rabbit. Rabbits can be SO productive when they set their minds to it. Although in the case of Mr. Manning, I'm not so sure I'd go with the rabbit analogy. Though some sort of wild animal does seem appropriate.

T: Wendy, I want to ask you something. Afterall, you seem to have been around the block a time or two.

W: I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a condemnation.

T: Oh, I'm acknowledging the
worldly experience that you seem to possess. Either that or I'm just desperate.

W: I always found desperation appealing.

T: Be that as it may, as a professional, what do you suggest?

W: As a professional? You want me to give a way my trade secrets? Oh, you mean as a bartender! Angel, I think you should make sure he sees you in your sexiest dress. Fire engine red if at all possible. What your wearing should be low cut so bend over alot. As close to his face as possible. It also has to be very short, afterall, you got the legs for it. Go climb some stairs or a step ladder somewhere along the line and be sure he's watching!. And don't forget the spike heels. He strikes me as a spike heels type. Cook him up his favorite dinner and ply him with fine Bordeaux or whatever else matches with your dining selection. Turn down the lights and turn up the kind of music you know turns him on. Wear some hypnotic perfume. I personally recommend Shalimar. Very seductive. Be sure he's a little high from the wine but not so incapacitated that he'll be useless later in the game. Brush against him as you bring out the different courses. After he's visibly interested, tell him how tense you've noticed he's been lately and volunteer to massage his neck. Start to pull his shirt off and get to work on those broad manly shoulders. Then when he starts getting helpless, begin kissing his ear lobes. Don't forget to use that tongue of yours, either. And then my dear, if he seems responsive, just keep going. Preferably in a southern direction. I'm sure you can figure out the rest.

T: Wendy, I think your getting TOO into this.

W: Ah, Téa darling, I'm afraid you're right. Not to step on your toes or anything, but even the thought of a bad boy like that up close and personal makes me positively salivate! (sigh) I better pour us both a drink.

T: Well, I must admit, you're a lot more specific than Reverend Carpenter was in his directions.

W: WelI unlike the
Reverend Carpenter, I like having a bit of the devil in me. Obviously you do too. At least that's your intention, isn't it?

T: It's not like I've never done this sort of thing before. I'm rather a master, if I say so myself. It's just that Todd's different.

W: Oh honey! When it comes down to it, they're all the same. It's just that some come in better packaging than others.

T: In Todd's case, he may be damaged goods and I don't have a manufacturer's guarantee. I'm not sure if this approach will work, but I have to admit, it certainly sounds like fun trying.

W: Definitely. And if it doesn't work out, just give him my number.

T: (smiling) Not in this lifetime, sister!